I have been on this for a month and I realise I cant summarise the feelings a hundred percent. I just can’t.
Disclaimer: if you belong to the fold of women who claim to be feminist but aren’t even sure exactly with feminism entails, then you would be further confused by my post. I’m here to preach marriage, well not exactly… I’m kidding… Lol!
I believe in equality for both men in women in the work place and in the classroom but I don’t agree that we are exactly the same. Even our physical build bears witness to this fact. This does not justify looking down on women or streamlining their effect or need in the society. It does not mean their only use or value can be in raising kids and running the kitchen. It does not mean the men are exempted from helping out at home every now and then. That is absolute nonsense and if you’re dating and subtly encouraging the man to be the drone that sits home while you buzz around doing every single thing even changing light bulbs, then shame on you girl. Just to avoid this disclaimer changing the focus of this post, I will continue writing.
The Nigerian society doesn’t appear, to the best of my knowledge, to teach or help the ‘young girl’ to grow into an ‘all-round woman’. Let us take a a girl from a pampered or not necessarily pampered but privileged background as an example. These girls are (usually) shipped off to boarding house where they are made to balance chores and school work. They spend roughly 9 out of 12 months of the year in school. Then they graduate and go to Uni (most times very far from home ) and while in uni are told “don’t have boyfriends” “face your books” “don’t press phone” “leave face book”(Lol.. but you just said I should face my books, ha-ha. See what I did there ?). After this they are to come out with the best grades, gather all the educational qualifications that will pile to the highest heavens and then head back to make the millions. Going by the average age of most masters graduates (26/27) this is the age where the weirdest set of questions now begin to rolling in. “When do you plan to marry” “when would you bring him home” “but the guy that drops you off at home is very nice why won’t you guys tidy things up quickly” I don’t quite get this switch. After being told indirectly that the qualifications and money matter the most, don’t you reckon the focus of the young lady would not be on groomin herself to be a good home maker? where would she even have time to permit being “wooed” ? At the stage of being done with school , the girl is expected to always love being at home. After being shipped out for over 13 years of schooling ? I didn’t say don’t send your kids to boarding school but please the expectation switch is not logical. If the child is consistently sent off to be the responsibility of others for so long, when they are due home upon graduation it can’t magically switches. Help them strike a balance
I happen to know two very brilliant women that lived very balanced lives and are married by 26. One happened to date her husband from her first year in uni till they both graduated and decided to ‘tidy things up’ lol. I admire them a lot actually one is a Pharmacist / make-up artist (Adesuwa) and the other is a lawyer /blogger (Katcheetee) .
I think this is where I explain my stand. As a 16 year old I felt the ideal age to start seeing someone would be between 18 -21 ish and then date to marry. I’ve met different guys and girls and life has definitely thrown me its own set of opinions that vary from my ideals but I will forever maintain that I would love to marry at 24. I think when you marry young, you are chanced to know your husband much better. You get to travel the world and live together as a legal (not sneaking around) couple for perhaps a year or two and then have children between 27 and 29. I think by doing this, you are giving yourself the chance to grow old with your kids. I don’t support raising kids when old or at the stage in life when one has attained the position (or the equivalent) of a manager or director at you lace of work. The quality of time and intent would definitely be affected. You find that at this stage most parents are tired, less attentive in the areas that matter the most and probably more permissive. Now I know things don’t always go as planned/desires and ‘man proposes God disposes’. So i’m just speaking from what I regard as the ideal point of view.
Even if I had twenty pages I would probably not pass my message across perfectly. I just think there is no strict formula for balancing love, academics, career and marriage. I hate to hear academics and career take the forefront of importance, only for them to lose their value upon attainment in the absence of marriage and kids. It just makes me think “what does the society want, really” “can it make its mind up already?” I mean you can’t pick a part of a sermon and preach it, preach the whole thing at once. Do not tell people to study and when that’s all they do you complain they are only book smart but lacking on the home management end or taking too long to get married. Ten when the marriage and kids come the sermon changes to “you ought to be more balanced” “spend time with your family” “clean your house” “your kids are lacking attention they need”. I think this bipolar standard of raising an individual is crappy and is responsible for general imbalance in the lives of many.
Balance is one of the key elements in life. There’s nothing more attractive than someone who has their life and the activities in their life organized. (speaking to myself subtly as well, lol).