Bitter leaf

Hello everyone ,

You must please forgive the absence. This compulsory year of National Youth Service in Nigeria is neither for the Weak nor for the faint hearted. You would think that after the three weeks spent at the Youth Service orientation camp, life would sort of slow down and ease up but really that is when it hits the accelerate button. That is when every single aspect of your life would decide to show you how ‘adulting’ truly plays out. Either way, I am grateful.

I was writing a post on sexual abuse which took so much longer than i expected it to but i have put that on hold , for good reason. Today I would be sharing what Granny said.

I spent last weekend ( Easter Weekend) with my grandmother and we had a lot of sit outs. It gave me the chance to draw from her well of wisdom and experience . An opportunity I am not only grateful for but I would never swap for anything in the world. It was wonderful to just chill with my mums own mum. It is amazing how similar they are and how much the look alike.

My grandmother amazes me. She would be eighty-five this year but she remembers people and events so accurately. She still conducts her daily activities like she is in her fifties . She knows where the key to each locked door is or which store has what item. One habit of hers I found particularly interesting was that daily , she would have her care taker pluck her Vernovia ( popularly known as bitter leaf ) and keep in a plate for her to snack on anytime she felt like snacking . It just amazes me how alert an elderly person can be. I remember a previous visit I paid her back in 2015, she asked if I had a lamp in case the power went out and I told her I did not. She told me to come to her room and get one but I forgot to do so before she retired to bed. To my surprise much later when the power went out she came to my room with a lamp for me, ” chiamaka , take the lamp ,you did not come to take it”. This time around when I arrived she ran through a checklist of questions on whether I had come with one item or the other , waiting for me to say no so she could direct me to where to get whatever. ” Did you bring toilet paper” ” yes Granny. ” ” Bed sheet ?” “I did. ” ” A duvet ? ” ” No. ” when its time for bed I would give you one.” which she did without me reminding her . I am just thankful that even though she is getting older she is not besides herself.

Asides giving me life advice and recounting her experience of the Nigerian Civil war of 1963 to me, she spoke about marriage. I would be sharing ( in no particular order ) the bits I can articulate as simply as possible.

In no particular order…

Tolerance: My gran emphasised that marriage in itself is a game of tolerance . A paraphrase of how she put it is that tolerance really makes up a marriage and it is very bitter . She compared tolerance to the vegetable Vernonia amygdalina(which Nigerians call bitter leaf) . She said bitter leaf is not even as bitter as tolerance because it leaves a sweet aftertaste. Tolerance on the other hand is bitter all through but it helps in keeping the home unit.

Keeping pure hands and heart : She spoke of integrity in every circumstance one finds themselves. False accusers exist , bad influences would come, wrong doers may come but you must never vary your standards . She gave an instance of a misunderstanding she had with someone after the Nigerian civil war had ended. Apparently aid had been sent and the person was in charge of sharing and delivering rations . She felt he may gave forgotten to give the family theirs and sent word to remind him. This must must have upset him for some reason because the person in question angrily drove into the compound ( she pointed at the spot he parked) . He then got out of his car and threatened that he would show her that she was a stranger in the family ( the family into which she had married ! ridiculous ). When he finished he drove off. She said immediately he left she went up to the spot, knelt and said to God that if He wills let it be so but that if he sees her pure heart and hands over the matter that he he should deal with the matter accordingly. Apparently , some days after this the threat giver was put to shame. To her she could not explain what happened but his days of cheating people came to an end.

Forgiveness: Never hold anyone or their offence in your heart. Learn to let whatever anyone does to you go. She told me how one day before my grandfather died he asked her to forgive her anything he had done to her in his lifetime and to return and speak to him on anything she had in mind. She told me how surprised she was that he said that and she feared he was dying . She told him there was nothing she had against him and all he ever did, she had forgiven. She told me it was funny to her because if she held unto whatever he had done over the years, they would not have made it to fifty-four years in marriage before he passed on.

Observation & Dialogue: Granny also mentioned that before marriage, it is important to observe and pin point what ever you do not like in your partner. She said after this it is always good to discuss. Never run from dialogue. She emphasised that dialogue is to be conducted maturely and not with raised voices , high tempers and insults being thrown around .The culture of dialogue must be carried into marriage and nurtured. Always discuss and if you know from time that a certain issue would bug you through out your marriage you then probably should not venture into the marriage. She rounded that point up with ” no man is perfect “. Meaning do not be too harsh or quick to find reason to call off an engagement thinking that a perfect man would come because no man is perfect.

I am confident you picked a thing or two from my version of grans articulated well of wisdom.

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My Brief Encounters With Mi Lord ‘Primero’ – Hon. Justice W.S.N Onnoghen

Happy new year everyone! I know it has been ages but I am proud to say that I am back for good. It was an awfully long 2017- one bumpy ride that I would not be forgetting in a hurry. Thank God for life.

Today’s post is about the current Chief Justice of Nigeria- Honourable Walter Samuel Nkanu Onnoghen GCON. For the benefit of non legal minds, the Chief Justice of Nigeria (CJN ) is the head of the Judicial arm of the Nigerian government as well as the National Judicial Council ( NJC ). The current CJN was sworn in on the 7th day of March , 2017.

I have only been called to the Nigerian bar for exactly a month (today) Yes I have been a lawyer for four weeks, after seven years of chasing the title. To God be the glory and yet I have met ‘Mi Lord’ twice Once as an aspirant to the bar in the Nigerian Law school ( two days after he was sworn in as CJN) as seen in the photo above and the second on my day of call to the Nigerian bar. ‘Mi Lord ‘ because that is how lawyers address the court / the judge in court and I added ‘Primero’ because he is currently the number one ‘ Mi Lord’ in the country .Now to recount my two encounters of the CJN.

One of the requirements of call to the Nigerian Bar is the fulfilment of three dining terms. Due to the large number of students admitted into the Nigerian Law School the dining term is fulfilled in batches spread over three days. I fulfilled my second dining term on the 8th day of March, 2017 with the first batch. On the second day while the second batch fulfilled their dining term, I actually had no business leaving my room and cutting short my after class nap but I did anyway. I dressed up , ran out of my hostel with my phone and selfie stick. I had made up my mind that I would get selfies with the members of the *Body of Benchers ( BOB ) whom we (the then aspirants to the bar ) traditionally dine with. On getting outside the dining hall I observed the dinner was yet to end , I also observed that the convoy of the Chief Justice of Nigeria was parked outside the dining hall. I was giddy with excitement! Of course the excitement did not make me forget the need to follow due process even if there is actually no laid down procedure for taking a selfie with the primero of your profession. So, I walked up to the policemen attached to the convoy and explained what I wanted to do. Shockingly they did not discourage me but pointed me to the CJN’s assistants. On getting to them I explained everything and they agreed, gave me a mini talk / plan on the right timing for my selfie and all. One assistant in particular was amused at my boldness and we struck up a conversation . I discovered therefrom that he was called to the Nigerian bar over ten years ago and had taken up the job in security service but was enjoying it. Later on the assistant had some bad news , apparently the most senior of the assistants said it was “unethical ” to want to take photos with the chief Justice. Seeing as that term is very often used by actual lawyers I had to ask if he was a lawyer, perhaps he knew some law or ethical code I was about to break or violate to which he responded in the negative. I must have rolled my eyes in my head. Anyway, I hung around. The most senior assistant saw me again and warned that I should not try anything sharp with the CJN except I would like to resit my exams to which I promptly responded ” God forbid “. Is it ever that serious though ? A lecturer of mine passed by after this and even encouraged me to pay attention to when the BOB procession would leave the dining hall so I can get my photo. Shortly after this ,the procession left the hall and proceeded to a meet up point where they spoke briefly with the senior staff of the law school before they came out to enter their waiting cars and leave. When the CJN came out , some students had already excitedly gathered around the other BOB members who were near the CJN this caused me to actually roll my eyes because I wondered what the point of seeking permission was. Anyway at some point ‘Mr Unethical’ called me to get my photo. I stood right beside the CJN and kept trying to get a photo but somehow hands of other aspirants kept getting in the way and ruining the picture. Then ‘Mr Unethical’ stepped forward and said to the CJN ” okay Sir, time to go ” and he put out his hand to stop me from getting another photo. At this point the CJN waved his hand at ‘Mr Unethical’ and said ” No , she has been waiting to get a photo . Let her ” – okay the world must have stopped in its orbit and started to revolve around me – in that moment, I was happy, humbled , touched , amazed , confused that he even noticed me! What can I use to describe the humility and thoughtfulness ? I got my photo then turned to him ” Thank you very much Sir” . After which he entered his car and the convoy left .

The second encounter was at my call to the Nigerian Bar. It was not as long or as personal as my first encounter but it was something. At the call to bar after all the aspirants are admitted to the bar , they are individually called by their names and then they step forward to receive a golden handshake from the CJN. Obviously at some point , the CJN would need to take a seat seeing as well over a thousand students are called to bar at the same time. So , being number 32 on the day of my call (thanks to my surname starting with A ) , I got to shake CJN ! He said “Congratulations ” as I curtseyed and thanked him I hoped my wig would not fall off my head! sadly the photographer I contracted did not get a photo of me receiving my golden handshake. Upset does not nearly define how I felt after the ceremony. After receiving my handshake , I went back to my seat and watched as others climbed upstage to get their golden handshake. There were a few special needs aspirant / *new wig who were wheeled forward to get heir own handshake . As the first special needs ‘new wig’ approached the stage the CJN did not even wait till they were that near the stage , he descended the stage to help them avoid the drama and stress of being carried on and off stage. The entire hall broke out in applause each time he did that . You may think ‘hey , what is the big deal ? ‘ But it definitely made a huge impression and gave a sort of sneak peak into the type of person he is beneath the toga of the CJN. He did not need to, as provision would have been made for them to be lifted up but he did not feel too big or important to come down to their level. Even if he remained upstage nothing negative would gave crossed our minds at that point really, it’s just the thoughtfulness involved in saving them the drama and hassle when he was the one to be saved hassle at that point. Another shocking thing was that he shook nothing less than 800 new wigs before he sat down! He stood upright, no slouching , no frown on his face – nothing .

I really hope it is not ‘unethical’ of me to write such an article because I am not trying to lobby any favour or anything like that as such . I just feel the world can learn a thing or two about being down to earth seeing as it is from dust we came and from dust we shall return. If you know me well ,you would know that the littlest things make the hugest of impressions upon me. I am one to vote in an aspirant for a position because of how politely they spoke to domestic staff when they thought no one was looking but I happened to hear / see. Is it not amazing how sometimes those in elevated positions are humble but those around them tend to be the excessively dramatic ones ?

The foregoing is my humble submission on Mi Lord Primero – Honourable Justice WSN Onnoghen – from my point of view. 🙂

Challenge for the year – do things that people who can be considered your subordinates would be privileged to see your humane side. Not for ‘eye service’ or recognition but because at the end of the day we are all ‘pencils in the hand of the creator ‘ ( if you know , you know).

Stay Blessed…x

Meaning of Words Used-

Body Of Benchers – A body concerned with the admission of prospective students into the Nigerian Law School. The body also regulates the call to the Nigerian bar as well as the legal profession in Nigeria.

New Wigs – A term used to refer to new lawyers

A YEAR A MONTH AND A DAY OLDER… (Yep, that’s me!)

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Me on My 23rd. Felt A tad Marilyn Monroe ish. 

 

…. AND I’ve learnt there are levels/categories to being single. You can be single proper, like zero amorous prospects or you can be single but in situationships or single with several toasters and yet no suitable option. Also that being single (single proper) is a lot cheaper than being with someone. Let me explain; you spend less energy wondering why their mood swings are becoming frequent or if you are being a nag by complaining about unchanging bad habits, you have zero expectations and less expenditure when you’re single.

I’ve learnt one simply can’t pick a day not to adult once you desire to enjoy the benefits of being grown. You have to enjoy the advantages (as few as they are) as well as the accountabilities. You always have to be the bigger one & you have to be kind enough to take load off you parent’s shoulders. You cannot wear your emotions on your forehead for the world to see.

I have never waxed my legs. TMI? Okay, good bye. I’m not a feminist and I don’t have the over whelming urge to do something weird I a bid to seek pity or attention. Nor protest or announce the fact that I am me and I am comfortable in my own skin or any of those things they usually do. BUT I can’t see why you would rate unwaxed legs over a smart beautiful me. I literally lack the commitment to begin that journey. Your loss if you can’t see beyond that.

I have come to see from mere observation that commitment is immensely difficult. Daily you meet someone gifted in an area another is lacking. All the same greed is a choice that can be decided against and so is commitment.

I now know to never say never because no one is infallible.

I must not be afraid to ever say no when I want to.

Music with trumpets jazz and all that is a tiny piece of heaven. Try Chardonay music

Languages are usually so deep and intense. Translation cheats people of the true depth & true understanding is an absolute gift.

Fragments of what danced across my mind space today & in the last year.

Stay blessed.

Foodie Chronicles & A To eat List.

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While I keep expanding my post on Spousal rape in Africa, (which I happen to have started writing since last week but still have not concluded) I have decided to just put out a bit of an update on what I have been doing / thinking. Yesterday , if my grandpa was still alive, he would have turned 93 but God knows best. I pray his beautiful soul remains at rest. I also pray I find someone like and even better than him . I remember saying to an aunt that I hope to find a man like him and better. She said “Hmm you may not marry oh!”lol. The man set an uber high standard. In other news I resumed work (after a 1 month breather in Ibadan) . I resumed two weeks ago and resumption came along with  a world of cravings I would not be ignoring.

Here is a list which I have constructed stating the meals and indulgences I plan to execute over the next few weeks.(In no particular order though)

Goodie the Foodie’To-Eat’ List.

  1. The seafood platter at ocean basket. Even though this list has no order, this is definitely number 1 on my to – eat list. I cant remember the name right now but i know it is for multiple eaters and it has all sorts of seafood goodness in/on it. I can not categorically say I would be sharing the platter though, still unsure.
  2. Enchiladas.
  3. Jimmy Rockets Oreo Milkshake.
  4. Lasagne.
  5. Nutella & strawberries&
  6. Whipped Cream (yes alone)
  7. Strawberries & Whipped Cream
  8. Doughnuts
  9. Oreo cupcakes
  10. A proper desert cake from RumnPassion

Now to my previous conquests!!

self chef noodles

Chef “me’s ” – sardine sauce, noodles and sliced banana. I think I was attempting to balance my diet.

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355’s Prawns and garlic sauce on a rice bed or something like that. Still love struck just reminiscing.

nenz coldstone

Nene My love & another old time friend a good old ‘basin’ of a couple  signature ice cream. Coldstone creamy Ibadan.

cafe royal shrimp

Cafe Royal’s Shrimp Creole, An all time favourite.

eko hotel

Eko Hotel dinner buffet. A foodie’s (me) take on their dessert section. lol

chinaville dish

Chinaville’s fish dish

sky lounge dish

Sky Lounge’s Jollof rice & fish. At a friend’s birthday outing. I was busy chronicling my food.

yellow chilli seafood okra

Yellow Chilli’s seafood Okra

cafe crysalis shrimp bistro take out

Cafe Chrysalis Ibadan’s Shrimp Bistro take out.

studio freid frice

“studio”fried rice lol, staring Bimbee & I . She made the chicken and I the rice. Studio because that was where it was made.

dorm shrimp sauce

“Dorm” Shrimp sauce by Chef Me lol.

sunday lunch , ibadan.

Sunday Lunch, Soups & Sauces Ibadan. I was the one with the fanta. Yes, spaghetti & beans. Please, don’t judge me. some meal preferences stick right from high school

cafe crysalis dish

Cafe  Chrysalis Ibadan’s beef something something and rice. I decided to be “un-seafoodie” again

bolognese

Wimpy Ibadan. Spaghetti Bolognese. Not a meat fan but this was the bomb.

choc cake

Chocolate Bundt Cake. Ibadan. Ate this beauty (Alot of it) at a house party.

cold stone

Coldstone Creamery Ibadan’s Oreo overload, my favourite signature.

sunday crys.

Cafe Chrysalis Ibadan.Yes! Ibadan has great restaurants.  Sunday lunch, cant remember the meal name now but it had yam porridge, fantastic fish , plantain and vegetables

shrimp in chilli

Wimpy Ibadan’s  shrimp in chilli sauce. Sunday lunch.

johnny rockets.jpg

Johnny Rockets. Sunday Lunch The famous Oreo Shake I wish to ‘re conquer.’ & a burger. can’t remember what was in the burger now.

Looking at most of my Ibadan conquests I realise I had such a ball! jeez after school sundays aren’t as fun 😦 I honestly wonder what I would be like when I am ‘expecting’ because now that I am not I take my cravings very seriously. Oh! and in case you’re wondering why I am such a foodie….

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Yep, thats my wall paper. Thanks to Cosmo’s snaps I get to remind myself “Food will never break my heart”

 

 

Eat, pray & eat again…xx

9-6 life; The low down. 

 

My quote

 
You’re probably expecting a cliche rant on how office life is one where you’ve gotta …” Just get ready fi work work work work work work”. 😂 see what I did there ? Well , you do have to get ready to work. You have to be sure to put in your best in order to avoid earning yourself a bad name. After all, it is your CV or recommendation at stake at the end of the day. That aside you get to learn a whole lot more. I mean these are things I already knew or experienced before but During my last internship , I got to put them to practice , test my knowledge of them and basically score my progress. Here’s a list of some of the things I learnt…
Emotional management : 

Bruh this was definitely the first lesson I learnt. You see,the workplace isn’t the ‘Africa magic school hostel’ setting. neither is it a market place. Therefore , you can never ever and must never lose your composure or “tie wrapper” and begin to exchange blows or hurl abusive words ,no matter what is said or done to you by whoever says it. You may just need to adapt Skipper’s (the lead penguin from Madagascar ) technique I.e ‘just smile and wave’. In the case of an office case , it would be ‘smile and leave’… the room that is. You would not want to throw months or years of service down the drain just because you let your emotions get the best of you. Not cool. 
Personal hygiene :

In this regard I would be discussing laundry. It would become more than necessary for you to develop a plan / scheme for constantly beating down the mountain that is called your laundry pile. If care is not taken you would just keep tossing things on it and procrastinating that visit to either your laundry room or the laundromat. Weekends would come and you may just want to sleep in. Public or bank holidays would also be used for ‘home’ work and more sleep or even both. Draw up a laundry time table ! 
Meal Plan: 

Once you operate 5/6 work hour schedule you have to stay nourished. If you are an early riser you could cook in the mornings or over the weekends then refrigerate and microwave your meals. Try not to become too dependent on your microwave or if you must , be sure to use suitable or appropriate containers as you microwave your meals. Another option , which may not be considered as financially wise , is to buy breakfast , lunch and healthy munchies to keep your mouth busy as you make use of your glucose levels. I said healthy to encourage those in ‘fit fam’. For me what helped was cookies , pastries , chewing gum and chocolates. Lol. 

Resisting temptation to allow colleagues be work/stress escape:
Forget the movies and let reality appeal to you now… It is not cute to get frisky with a colleague. Theres no thrill in putting your career or recommendation at risk. There’s nothing more awkward than having to play cool in public after a couple of ‘behind the office scene’ moments . It could actually affect concentration levels and quality of output. Imagine if your partner in frisk is your superior and scolds you or legit cannot stand the quality of your out put ? Would you take it personal or be rational and sit up ? Anyway , If your sneaking and snogging is to catch up with you , you would only have yourself to blame.

Time management :

This involves prayer time , cooking time , make up time , meal planning & bed time regardless of social media time. I’m not exactly a morning person and so I would much rather take advantage of my night time. Most of my evenings were best suited to prayer time. I often left my make up purse at work and tried to get in before resumption time. I’m no Make up artist but then I would stay in a secluded place and glam up to the best of my mood or ability lol. At night you have to get to bed as soon as you can and not let anything distract you. Some nights I got back super late. I found myself simply getting ready for the next day and then hopping into bed. 

Becoming your own personal google map whether or not you have a car:

Being a car-less Lagosian damsel , i learnt the necessary nooks and crannies. I learnt the short cuts of Victoria Island (where my office’s located) I learnt the tricks of how to zap to the office on the days I woke up 30 minutes to resumption time. Lol and God divinely connected me to buddies who were willing to assist a damsel in distress whenever there was distress. I also finally downloaded uber and learnt when traffic would be at its lightest to avoid running up my bill. 

Last but not least is treat yourself:

If you’re a cold stone ice cream lover myself , be sure to go for a cone or two (kidding) every once in a while. Or go to a nice restaurant for lunch or better still , treat yourself to something new be it a bag , book or work shirt. 

Work experiences differ. Mine was full of very interesting lessons. I enjoyed both the curricular and the ‘extra curricular’ aspects of it. The experience was one I sure wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.  

Umbrella… Everyday is fathers day.

dads pic

My 18th Birthday. Dad, Me,  Ibadan Dad (lol) and my Mum. The photo refused to crop out my mum. perhaps the photo has its own sense of things. 🙂

 

Everyday someone somewhere is made a father or a grandfather. Everyday, opportunities present themselves for the lessons taught by a father to be put to practice. This post is long overdue.

Christianity teaches the importance of a father. It basically states that the role of  father/man in a home/marriage is to depict that of Christ to the Church.(This is how i see Ephesians 5:25 .it sure extends to the entire family set up , beyond husband and wife relationship). That is definitely a heavy role. It just means that the men ought to pay attention to every single thing they do and every single impression or lesson they indirectly impart so as not to taint the image of God. They are to portray God as what he is. Loving, caring , helpful , provider of covering in different aspects, emotionally dependable, etc.

I find it really sad that at times the men of this particular  generation would much rather use the quotations of the bible and the ideologies of the African society to commandeer respect or reverence from their families or children rather than live up to their responsibilities.Its not enough to be a provider financially. It is  important to also provide ample care and support to the family unit,  by being present or making the very basic effort to be important in the lives of all who look up to the man as a father.

I find it particularly interesting how my Pastor’s wife mentioned that in different ways she has seen her husband treat her not only as a wife but as his daughter. She mentioned how she was in a confused state once and was struggling to enter their SUV but he whisked her off her feet and put her in the car , as though she were a sixteen year old .Lol He also mentioned how the other day he was teaching his kids (grown adults) how to pray. That touched me. Most people learnt prayers from their mums (last I checked). While this talk about fatherhood was going on, i noticed a father and his toddler daughter taking a walk in church. The father had her in his hand and she was a bit distracted not paying attention to where she was going but because he was paying attention and “had her”, when they got to a step and she lost her balance momentarily she didn’t fall. I just felt it portrayed ,to a large extent , what goes on in the lives of people and how having a father is of great help. The father is able to protect and assist maybe not perfectly or 100% but with his willingness he can do a whole lot.

I have a friend whose family “fatherly” traditions have me entirely love struck with their family. When I first met this dude, I did not realise he had lost his grandfather (paternal) before he was born. He spoke about his grandfather as if he wished he were still alive because he was missing him. It turns out the impressions he had of his grandfather were passed unto him or made upon him by his own father and his fathers siblings lifestyle. On his grandfather’s memorial, which happens to be a day before my grandfather’s, I remember I had gone visiting at his house. His dad kept reminding him to ensure he got ready in good time .”Get ready, we have to go and see your Grandpa”. I was slightly confused. It turned out this ‘ seeing ‘ was to go say a few words by his grandpa’s grave side, plant flowers, water the plants and basically honour his memory. I’m eternally mind blown by this. Lol. He also mentioned that he works at his father’s company. He told me of how he  had to apply like a normal job applicant, sit for an interview and sign a proper employment contract -terms and all inclusive. I particularly remember him saying that even though he lived in his father’s house, if he were to get into his the office late, his father would ask him why he was late to work-  just like any other employee. Then most Christmases,  members of the nuclear and  extended family would come from far and wide and literally have the best time of the year (fireworks, gunshots, home cooked meals and all the works)  before dispersing to their different lives when the new year came. This “love-strucked-ness” most likely has root in the fact that all this reminds me of when  my grandfather was still alive. We (My grandma, his kids, the grand kids) would all spend holidays especially Christmas till new year with him. He was able to draw us from our different lifestyles to spend time together and never miss an opportunity to drop his nuggets of wisdom. Lol.  All the times we spent together were filled with so much laughter , love , celebration and food. From all this warmth, i just draw the fact that fatherhood should be like an “umbrella-ship”. creating lives, holding people together and teaching life lessons/values. I mean an umbrella cant be perfect protection from all that goes wrong but to the best of its ability it would be there for you come rain or shine.

On days like Fathers day I have a lot of people to wish “Happy Father’s Day” because I am blessed with many father figures. The one person I wish I had around a little longer so I could wish him this is  my grandfather. They sure don’t make men like him anymore. I thank him for being a rock while he lived. I pray he keeps resting in the Bosom of the Lord.  I pray more than anything that I am able to meet someone better than all these “ideal-scenario-men” i have heard of or known . Someone who would also teach my sons the value of family and love. That the value of these do not lie in how many women you can knock up or how much money you make, rather it lies in how much you are able to represent God and be an umbrella in the lives of those who look up to you. I sure pray for this.

Dear Dads and future Dads, remember that within the home you are the first form of stability to be provided for your daughter (who really needs emotional stability) and your son who would be someone’s husband and even a father someday.

Stay blessed as you read and share..xx

WHY SO LOUD?!

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nearest picture I have to a “shout depiction”.

 

Recently I was added to a whats app group called “Orange Butterflies”. Its a group for married, engaged and single women. The discussion range is pretty wide.   As is the case whenever women affairs  come into question. LOL. As  I was saying, one day the topic was the volume/decibel of voice a woman uses. The discussion  stuck because I had noticed a general habit of being loud  ,shortly before the discussion came up ( which to be very frank had totally put me off) only for the ladies in the group to “unknowingly”concur!

A lady on the group mentioned how she knew another lady who would yell the entire house down till the second  her husband came home. Once he was in she would be like a mouse. silent and meek. While this would send sparks flying in many feminists minds ,  I definitely saw some wisdom in it. It is true that running a home and yet keeping yourself together is quite a task.It is also true that domestic staff and children can bring out ones true nature. All the same it is salient that you do not “lose yourself” or transform in a negative way in the eyes of your husband or significant other. You may just be dropping un-pretty  / negative lioness-like images in his subconscious . That was the point they were trying to make and I completely understood it.

A lady should be graceful at all times. A lady should always be on her best behaviour/conduct.There really is no point being so dramatic if the aim can be achieved without the theatrics.

Before this observation was made on the group,I noticed that ladies these days just can not be moderately audible. You pass a restaurant where a group of ladies are chatting at a table – the one leading the conversation is so loud the entire restaurant is literally part of the conversation. You pass a lady speaking on the phone – the whole world is forcefully made audience to the “monologue “. WHY SO LOUD??  Have you noticed that people who yell more are not as revered as those who just calmly make their point and keep quiet ? My face automatically scrunches up when I happen to witness an unnecessarily loud lady. Besides the occasions that call for being loud are actually few.

Please I am also writing to myself  as I can be  quite the “RHO-LOUD-INO”  but I am changing my ways. Its even weirder that I find myself drawn to guys that are quiet and more reserved than I am. There is just some finesse around being calm and unpredictable. No one likes to be seen as an empty barrel anyway. Well, it just is not classy to be the loudest in a room or in a conversation.

Dear reader, please before you speak , ask your self “Am i being loud?” “Must i be so loud?” If you can not answer these queries , ask a friend or someone around if you need to do a ‘voice check’. Let’s keep it classy shall we ?